In the Madness
by fantaskie
Summary: Carl is mad at Amshell for not letting him go after Saya. Lost in his rage he remembers how it was this same rage that became the cause for his change from human to chiropteran. Written for the Writers Anonymous NovDec Challenge.


**A/N:** This story has been written for the November/December 2007 _Writers' Anonymous_ Challenge.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Blood+ or any of it's characters.

-o-O-o-

**In the Madness**

I feel my body trembling uncontrollably with the passionate anger that courses through my heated blood. I feel my head pounding and my vision is nearly blurred.

Saya.

She is _mine_! Why does Amshell have to take away my only chance at getting near her? Why do I have to be the one to take care of mother!

I pause on that last thought. My mother. For over sixty years. Diva. All I had ever wanted was her love. All I had ever wanted was to _be_ loved. But I am nothing but an object. A chevalier to be experimented on.

My vision cleares a little, focusing on the scenic beauty of Nathan's garden. I can feel my lips twist into a bitter sneer. An experiment. That was all I was used for. No one cared that there was a part of me that needed human compassion. The fact that I was no longer human did not matter. I still suffered from the emotions of that species. It was a curse.

I sink down to my knees, clutching onto the banister of the balcony. Memories course through me. Memories of the last moments of my humanity…before I was made into the mess I am today.

oOo

"Diva, meet your newest Chevalier."

I gazed upon the beautiful creature before me, but all I knew was an unexplainable fear. My body trembled as sweat beaded on my brow. To a casual observer the scene would have implied nothing but a casual meeting between people. But _I_ knew that this was the point when my life would change irrevocably…for eternity.

An eternity that Amshell had promised me. An eternity to take my revenge on those who had destroyed my home and my family. But in exchange for my chance at revenge I was to be subject to experimentation.

I remember how that condition did not weigh much with me. I felt then as I do now. Pure blinding rage. And I accepted.

But on meeting the woman that was to make this change I knew a fear so great that revenge looked too small and petty an idea compared to a never ending life time. Her childish smile and reception to the news sent shivers up my spine. Her blue eyes looked so pleased, like a child would at the sight of ice-cream put in his hand. Her deep red lips contrasted oddly with the rest of her as they parted with a sort of lover-like passion.

I wanted to run. I wanted to scream. I wanted to hide. I wanted a second chance to rethink my decision. The only thing that kept me rooted to my spot was the firm grip Solomon had of my arm. No. Perhaps it was the strong grip of Diva's rapidly-becoming hypnotic gaze that froze me in place. She got closer. And closer. And I could feel my brain shut down while sweat soaked the clothes I wore.

I felt a small slender hand rest lightly against my right cheek and she smiled.

"You would be my chevalier?"

Her voice was smooth and she spoke with a drawl. She seemed to enjoying the effect she had on me. I couldn't breathe. The taste of fear was too great on my tongue. I made no move. I said nothing.

She made a soft humming sound, seemingly uncaring of my lack of response. It was time for her to feed, and she was glad of lunch. Gaining another chevalier in the process was just an added bonus to her. I felt her move behind me, and push my long hair aside to expose the left side of my neck.

I could feel my pulse beat rapidly, and my brain told me this was my last chance to run. But it was too late. I felt her fangs bite down into my neck. The initial sting of the bite made me flinch ever so slightly, but I soon got used to the dull, throbbing pain of my blood being pumped out of my body. And along with it my fear went. I knew nothing. Just a light-headedness, as though, I was floating in the air. I think I sighed in ecstasy. I felt nothing. I just _was_. It was a state I would find myself in every time Diva decided she was hungry and needed my blood. And it was a state I wish I could have remained in forever. Somewhere, in the back of my mind, I think I was aware that my life was ebbing. That I was dying. Yet, it didn't matter. _Nothing_ mattered. Not anymore.

It was all over. For a moment I saw an emptiness; a void. And I knew, somehow, that I had died. I tried to speak, to call out. Yet the void seemed to swallow my words into a numbness and deafness. Yet, I felt calm. At peace.

I don't know how long I stayed in that void. But eventually I was able to spot a white light, and curiosity lead me to it. I could feel a sense of excitement build up within me – the first of any emotion I had felt since Diva had sunk her fangs into me. As I neared my destination I held out a hesitant yet curious hand. The white light reminded me of lightening, hurting my eyes and nearly blinding me as I entered its domain.

And then…

I cried out.

Visions assaulted my eyes and seared through my brain. They were blurred and yet vivid. They were memories. Memories of my past. Memories I hated. Memories I wanted dead. Then there were my desires - my deepest, darkest desires – searing through my mind. I could feel the hatred I had harboured within me for years, and it was like a physical blow. I doubled over from the pain of that blow. My head was pounding from the images. I felt like if I was shown one more my head would explode. But the images were merciless and kept on coming. And my brain seemed to take the strain.

All of a sudden the memories vanished, and the pain was gone. I opened a cautious eye, and realized that I was on a blinding white floor curled up like a baby in its mother's womb, my hands protecting my head. I slowly uncurled my body and stood up. I waited for a few moments, and then, when nothing happened, began to relax my tensed muscles.

But if I thought it was over I was in for a shock. If I thought the pain couldn't get any worse I was in for a bigger shock.

As I stood there, feeling relief wash through me, I felt a jolt shoot up my spine and I gasped out – half in surprise and half in pain. Then it began. The blood seemed to heat up and rush to my head. I could feel pin-pricks all over my body, like someone was using me as a pin- cushion and stuffing me with needles. I ran my hands over my body trying to still the pricks, but I didn't seem to have enough hands. Soon the pricking sensation turned into a dull throbbing that rapidly became anything but dull. Almost immediately my screams were piercing the walls of my cranium, but nothing could be heard. I could feel my nerves being stretched to impossible lengths. My innards seemed to be having a field day. I could feel my organs twisting and turning, reshaping themselves. I felt like I was on fire, and the blood within me boiled, searing through my skin, and pouring out of me like drainage water.

I screamed.

Then the bright light became the deepest black, and the darkness took me.

oOo

I look down at my shaking hands. Sweat beads my palms. The memory was still excruciating. I had chosen to become this creature of the darkness, and thus my life was nothing but dark.

I raise my head and cry out. I cry out with the agony of all that I had gone through. I cry out with the agony of all that I had become; a guinea pig for Amshell. I cry out for my lost humanity. And I cry out for the only being that could possibly understand and love me.

My cry echoes through the expansive gardens and into the deep halls of the mansion. I stand up having made my decision. A sense of madness seeps into my blood, but I am not concerned. It is the only thing that keeps me going. It is the madness that keeps me sane. My lips form a wicked sneer.

Take care of Diva? I am going after...

"Saya"

-o-O-o-


End file.
